You are not probably very interested in this, but since Valco don’t have much to tell (except that they have headphones IN STOCK! No delays anymore), they decided to introduce their underpaid and overworked, but quite happy minions responsible for their customer service (and pretty much everything else).
At least the next time you are sending the next “fuck you assholes your headphones are shit and you eat poo” -message, you know that an actual person is reading that. Not a nameless bot. They have about four minions in their company, and you have probably had an email conversation with some of them. They are all scattered around Finland, and no one in their company has met all his co-workers.
In their very complex businessunit-matrix-lineorganisation, the resources have been divided into three categories: The shopkeepers, minions and Jasse. Henri (which is I who writes these spam emails) and Jani are the shopkeepers and run this show. Everyone else is a minion, except Jasse, who is just Jasse and no one know what he does.
Their sound guru, engineer and artist Jasse is probably the most well known of them. He is somewhat famous for what he does. His golden ears and platinum liver have made it possible for us to have such a good sound in their headphones.
Their very first minion is Hannes, whose special skills include repairing headphones (see the attached photo) and playing World of Tanks. Also, he repairs everything imaginable from big ass semi-trucks to a leaking toilet. If you have sent your headphones to us for repairs, Hannes has fixed them at his hacienda. Some of you who have followed us longer, know that Hannes has a luxury yacht called Rauni.
Soon after Hannes, they hired Saija, who is a general-purpose minion. She ships headphones takes care of their bureaucracy and paperwork in addition to responding to your emails. Saija is like a swiss army knife of minions. Without her, nothing works. She probably likes dogs because she gave us this photo.
Their next minion is Aino, who is responsible for their customer service. Her main strength is an amazing ability to tolerate idiots and assholes. That is pretty much the only thing that matters in customer service. Besides that, she is smart and capable.
Their last find is their third class minion Joonas, who had his own 3 minutes of fame in a previous email. They found him at a local Shell service station where he had a small german flag in his shirt showing that he is capable of speaking that ancient barbarian language. They don’t know if he speaks german, but they pay him so little that it doesn’t matter.
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